It wouldn't surprise me if the remainder of the slump I was in was caused by a curse put on me by Girl 59, Dead Rat Girl.
I'm pretty sure she hit on me instead of the other way around.
At one point in a random phone conversation I told her the beauty of working at home was the ability to take masturbation breaks. She laughed and reported that her office door locked, and she did that at least three times a week.
So I expected the girl at the corner pub to be sexy, but she was somehow…completely empty.
It scared the hell out of me. Here I was in the room with a woman who's soul I couldn't even detect. It was like I was alone.
I left after two beers and didn't call. But one night, as the slump went on, I invited her over, poured half a bottle of wine into her, took off her clothes and tried to fuck her.
I say tried, because while she was willing and so wet that she was making a stain on the sheets, I was completely limp.
Wake up, Rex, I shouted to my traitorous penis, Tyrannosaurus Rex. He was out cold.
I'm sorry about this, I said. But I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
She was furious.
Let me get this straight. You get me going, you can't get a hardon, then you throw me out?
I smiled. That's right. Now get going.
I'm serious. Get your clothes and get out.
GYCAGO, pronounced "guy-coh."
You're serious, she repeated.
I frowned, then snarled. Pediatrician Professor Girl, do you want me to throw you out naked and toss your clothes out after you?
I'm going, she pouted.
She left in the night.
I shivered under the comforter. It was cold that night, but the heat was on. I could see my breath.
Either the Snake Ranch was haunted, or Dead Rat Girl had done this.
It was no good. This time I packed an overnight bag and headed out the door, the speed dial set to Corvette Girl's number.
I know it's late, I said, but Rex really needs his mommy.
She laughed. Tell Rex to get over here, and Mommy will take very good care of him.
I parked, got out, walked in, and within two minutes had a very hard cock plunging into a very wet hole.
That Corvette Girl. Thank God for sluts like her.